In going through the ordeal of divorce, I came to understand that I could see my situation in two different ways.  And the way I chose to perceive it would make a difference in how I felt, which in turn would play a big part in determining the outcome.  Let me tell you a story that illustrates my point:

A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding their business.  One scout sends back a telegram saying:

“Hopeless situation.  No one wears shoes.”

The other scout sends the following message:

“Glorious business opportunity.  They have no shoes.”

In the same way, you could view divorce, or any crisis for that matter, as simply catastrophe and languish in “woe is me”… blaming, feeling self righteous, holding onto anger and bitterness.  And of course, there is room for all of that.  Careful, though, not to hang onto this stuff forever.  It puts you in a  continual negative cycle–thinking, talking and acting negatively, which only brings you more of the same.

Instead, look for the deeper meaning of what’s going on.  Is something new trying to emerge in your life?  Something beyond what your current vision can see?  Maybe the universe is guiding you toward something better and you must get rid of the old in order to make room for the new.  When you can see your crisis from a higher place, even for moments at a time, you will gain much needed hope.

Every crisis can be viewed as an opportunity to grow.  Going through my divorce, handling things I never thought I could handle, I found an inner strength I never knew I had.  Sharing myself more deeply with my friends, I attained a closeness that was special.  With my heart cracked open, I reached out for help, something I had a hard time doing, and received help from my friends, my family and also the Universe, which sent guidance in the form of dreams, unexpected messages from strangers, meaningful coincidences.

So you see, perceiving your crisis from a higher place, will bring you much more than heartache.  Viewing every challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow, brings more satisfaction and joy to your life. The higher and more barbed the fence, the greater the opportunity.  You would do well to look beyond the surface to discover the many hidden gifts that are there for you.  Gifts that will enhance your life and increase your ability to meet all of life’s challenges at a higher level.  Worth it, don’t you think?

Check out my book, The Affair: From Breakdown to Breakthrough, A Therapist’s Real-life Journey, for more great tips and insights about relationships. You can buy it on Kindle worldwide from all Amazon websites, including


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