Infidelity.  It hits your life so violently that it’s easy to get lost in the explosive feelings that follow.  How do you get through the shock, anger, fear and hopelessness inherent in such a crisis?  By searching beneath the surface and viewing your situation from a deeper perspective.  The way you choose to see the crisis will make a big difference in how you feel, and in determining the outcome.  Let me tell you a story that illustrates my point:

A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding their business.  One scout wires back a telegram that says: “Hopeless situation.  No one wears shoes.”  The other sends an entirely different message:  “Glorious business opportunity.  They have no shoes.”

See what I mean?  In the same way, you could see the infidelity (or any crisis for that matter) as only catastrophe, and languish in “woe is me”… endlessly blaming, playing the victim, feeling self righteous.  In short spewing out lots of negativity.  And if this negativity endlessly radiates from you, guess what?  It brings you more of the same.  You’ve heard of the Law of Attraction, right?  Simply stated, it says what you put out will, like a boomerang, come back to you.

So, am I saying you should simply paste a smiley face over your less than wonderful feelings and leave it at that?  Absolutely not! That’s not reality. You need to acknowledge them, feel them, express them, work through them. Otherwise, you stay stuck in them.

As you’re traveling the rocky path, it helps to search for the hidden gifts.  What might some of them be?

Perhaps something new is trying to emerge in your life…something beyond what your current limited vision can see.  And you must get rid of the old to make room for the new.  Or you might discover a strength you never knew existed; a strength that will serve you through this crisis and beyond.  Perhaps the crisis will open you up and give you a deeper closeness with others who care about you.

And what about the outcome?  Well, it’s possible that better versions of you and your partner will emerge; and if so, how great is that?  Or perhaps you will choose to leave, opening up an opportunity for a new love that suits you better.  You might even find that your new found independence, gives you time to do things you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the time for, and a whole new world opens up to you.

Know this: traveling the bumpy path with your eyes and ears open will lead you to greater wisdom and strength, which in turn, will bring more satisfaction no matter the outcome of your relationship.  In fact, you will find you are capable of meeting all of life’s challenges at a higher level.  I guarantee it.

Check out my book, The Affair: From Breakdown to Breakthrough, A Therapist’s Real-life Journey, for more great tips and insights about relationships. You can buy it on Kindle worldwide from all Amazon websites, including


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