You’ve found “the one.” Good for you!  Now, what kind of commitment do you want?  Better think about it because in relationships, one size doesn’t fit all.  We’re all unique with different histories, experiences, wounds and vulnerabilities.  So why expect everyone to fit into the same form?…the default being marriage.  Instead of trying to pound yourself into a form that doesn’t really fit, you and your partner would be wise to explore your options.

Wouldn’t it be great to choose what works best?  Imagine this: you’re in love and you want a commitment with your beloved.  After deep reflection and exploration, you come to an agreement about how you want your relationship to work, keeping in mind that there’s no right way.  Just your way.

In making the agreement, you are honest and true to yourselves; no one is coerced. You set up parameters for how you will be together.  Then you fully commit to the agreement and give it your all.  If over time, you’ve grown and changed (hopefully) and your initial agreement no longer works, you revisit it and revise it to suit the people you have become rather than the people you once were.  An agreement customizes your relationship and gives you a much better chance for happiness.  Isn’t that what it’s all about?

No doubt, marriage works for some.  If it works for you, by all means, go for it.  Here’s the deal, anything the two of you agree upon is fine. I’m simply advocating CHOICE.  We need flexibility in our relationships; rigidity breeds discontent.

Breaking free of the standard takes an open mind and courage. There are many brave pioneers who have stepped out of the mold and are living happily in unconventional couplings. “Until death do us part” just doesn’t work for everyone. Witness the high divorce rate in first (50%), second (67%) and third (73%) marriages. Not to mention rampant infidelity.

Why not take some time, explore your needs and custom design your relationship?  If you can’t come to an agreement before you commit, what’s the prognosis for a successful long term relationship?  Not very good I would say.  Oh, you might stay together out of pure obligation, but being happy?  That might be another story altogether.

Check out my book, The Affair: From Breakdown to Breakthrough, A Therapist’s Real-life Journey, for more great tips and insights about relationships. You can buy it on Kindle worldwide from all Amazon websites, including

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