How to enrich your sex life!

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Can sex be good if you don’t have an orgasm?  My answer is “yes,” most definitely.  For a lot of couples, though, that’s a foreign concept.  They believe orgasm is the barometer of good sex, and without it, what’s the point?  The point is that focusing solely on orgasm means you negate many enjoyable acts of love.  You either don’t have much foreplay, or you race through it without feeling the delicious sensual pleasures it could bring.

Making love involves more than orgasms–talking, playing, laughing, touching, cuddling, kissing–are all acts of love that can be enjoyed in their own right.  Ignoring them, or doing them mechanically deprives you of many pleasurable feelings.

Men and women are hard-wired in different ways, and often it’s the man who is inclined to rush.  Women are more likely to need and enjoy acts of love along the way.  So often it’s the woman who has to take the lead in slowing things down.  One way to do this is to make love without intercourse.  Yeah, you heard me…make love without intercourse.

You emphasize the foreplay, but it’s no longer foreplay; it’s the complete act.   Taking orgasm out of the equation allows you to be more fully present with everything else.  You put your attention on each caress, kiss, whisper in your ear, hand through your hair.  It’s all done slowly and gently so each sensation can be felt.  Since you’re used to feeling only the big bang, it might take some practice before you can actually feel gentle sensations.  Okay, so practice.

Try taking turns giving to each other.  If you are the recipient, notice the sensations in your body as you are touched, cuddled and kissed.  If you are the giver, notice how you feel as you gently make love with your partner.  Communicate with one another.  Let your partner know through words or sounds how you feel.

Afterward, share more about the experience.  Maybe you felt mildly turned on.  Perhaps you got so hot you could hardly bear not to have intercourse.  Maybe you felt more loving toward your partner as you gave or received.  Perhaps you feel closer to them now.  Or, it could be that the feelings you experienced weren’t comfortable at all.  You felt unsure and vulnerable.  That’s okay too.  Whatever you felt is okay.  I can assure you that if you stay with it, you will begin to feel the pleasure.

Learning to enjoy not only the orgasm, but all acts of love means you’ll have a more satisfying sexual experience.  And when you do have intercourse you might find that it’s even better than it was before.  So, here’s to you for experimenting and going for an enriched sex life!

For more information on this subject see: What is good sex?

Check out my book, The Affair: From Breakdown to Breakthrough, A Therapist’s Real-life Journey, for more great tips and insights about relationships. You can buy it worldwide from all Amazon websites (Kindle), such as amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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