Is it time to move on?

Is your relationship teetering on the edge?  If so, one of the hardest things to determine is whether to stay or to leave.  Some stay too long; others bounce from one relationship to another the minute things are not peachy keen.  In either case, introspection is the key to making a good decision.  Here are some things to ponder:

Do you repeatedly fight over the same things with no resolution?

Partners in a good relationship are able to resolve conflict in a satisfactory way.  They talk about their issues and are respectful of each other’s point of view.  Talking may result in a compromise; or they might agree to disagree without animosity.  Either way, they don’t badger, ridicule or try to coerce the other into their way of thinking.  If their points of view are too divergent and the issue is extremely important to one or both and cannot be resolved, it might be time to move on.

There is more hurt than good feeling.

No one should have to live in a relationship that hurts more than it feels good.  If that’s the case, there is work to be done.  Again, talking is the key.  Your partner needs to know when you are hurt as a result of something they said or did.  In a good relationship, each one of you cares enough about the other that you don’t intentionally cause pain.  Of course, unintentional hurt happens.  When it does, the hurt party needs to be vulnerable and show the hurt.  They also need to be direct about how they want things to change.  If the hurtful behavior doesn’t stop, this is not a good match.  Time to move on.

You’ve fallen for potential (see post, Don’t fall for potential.)

If you’ve fallen for someone’s potential thinking you are going to change them, you are deluding yourself.  You can bet that if what you want isn’t there now, it’s not going to be there later.  Nagging another to become what you think they should be, doesn’t make for a happy union.  You end up exhausted and disappointed; they end up resentful and angry because you’re constantly reminding them that they’re not enough.  Rather than trying to get someone to live up to their potential, find someone who suits you better now.

Be aware that just leaving without putting in some work on yourself and the relationship will only result in your repeating the same patterns with someone else.  We get together, even in casual relationships, with others who offer us (either directly or indirectly) an opportunity to bring to the surface hidden aspects of ourselves that need our attention.  A healthier you means a healthier choice the next time.

For related information, see: Is this person right for me?  6 things to consider before you commit.

Check out my book, The Affair: From Breakdown to Breakthrough, A Therapist’s Real-life Journey, for more great tips and insights about relationships. You can buy it on Kindle worldwide from all Amazon websites, including www.amazon.com

 

 

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