Can a home-body and a socializer co-exist?

Here’s the dilemma.  One of you is a home-body and the other likes to go, go, go.  Can the two of you be happy together?   I say, yes.  But it will take some give and take on both your parts.  You know, the dreaded “C” word–compromise.  So what’s new? There is always give and take in a relationship. The tricky part is to find balance so that no one is doing all the giving; the other, all the taking.  AND it’s important to understand that neither of you is bad or wrong for what you want.  You’re just different.  So finger-pointing and grousing about the other is out.

Here’s the deal.  Whether you’re the social one, or the home-body, you sometimes need to forgo your own wants and give into your partner. And when you do, you can’t pout, withhold love, give them the silent treatment, or generally act miserable about it. You need to make an effort to enjoy it.  Hey, you’re in a relationship with someone you chose and presumably love.  If you don’t make time together, what’s the point?

Let’s say you’re the more sociable one and your partner just loves to cozy up at home.  If you consistently ignore your own desires and stay at home, you will be extremely resentful.  The resentment will build until one day, you explode, or leave, or finally talk about it and start taking care of yourself.  At the same time, if you go-go-go and are never at home, your partner will be extremely unhappy.  Either way, your relationship takes a hit.

As for the home-body, you need to allow your go-goer to do things without you. And, you need to take care of yourself as well, which means there are times when you happily stay at home and times when you join your partner.  Balance is the key for both of you.  No matter what you desire, you sometimes do what the other wants just to please them.  Even if you don’t enjoy the activity, your pleasure will come from making them happy.  Remember, when you make your partner happy, you have a great chance of being happy yourself!

Do you have this dilemma with your partner?  I would love to hear about your experience, and if you follow my advice, how it worked out for you.

Check out my book, The Affair: From Breakdown to Breakthrough, A Therapist’s Real-life Journey, for more great tips and insights about relationships. You can read a synopsis of the book on my website, and buy it worldwide from all Amazon websites (both print and Kindle) and Barnes and Noble.

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