It’s commonly thought that commitment means monogamy. That it is the “right and only” way, to go. But to me there is no inherent right or wrong connected to it. It’s a matter of preference and agreement. We need to let go of this notion that relationships have to be all one way. Flexibility is the key. Be flexible in finding YOUR way; not the way of your culture, your best friend, your mom and dad. We all need to be true to ourselves.
I know of couples in very successful relationships who have agreed to allow outside sex, for example. At the same time, they remain fully committed to each other. “What? you might say…not possible! Commitment is all about monogamy.” But what if we broaden the definition to mean being fully committed to the relationship agreement two people make–whatever that is. Wouldn’t that work better than being tied to a set of rules that don’t work for you?
Let’s face reality…monogamy doesn’t work for everyone! If it did, there would be no divorce and no cheating, and we all know that’s hardly the case. Divorce is common. Cheating is rampant. Don’t believe me? Look around.
There’s no doubt that monogamy works for some. There are those who are absolutely happy in that form. But for those outside of that loop, alternatives should be considered. Why not allow everyone to find their own way? Having thoughtful, honest discussions about what they want in a relationship, then coming to an agreement. If they can’t agree, that’s a very strong indication that their relationship isn’t going to work. Better to know this in the beginning then to be surprised later.
So here’s where commitment comes in–once they agree, each person should fully commit to what was agreed upon. And if the agreement stops working, instead of cheating, it’s time to come back to the table and discuss new parameters. Again, having an honest discussion about what they want. I mean who stays the same? Hopefully we grow, and what worked before isn’t going to work now. Instead of cookie cutter relationship rules, let’s open our minds to have the relationship we really want. Wouldn’t that result in more joy in our lives? Less cheating and heartbreak? I think it would.
What do you think? Are you monogamous? Or have you chosen another path? If so, how is it working out? I would love to hear your views on the subject.